Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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