I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
