he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
