using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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