Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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