We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
