I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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