She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
