Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
