The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
