I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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