# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just blew my weed a kiss
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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