Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
