Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
