Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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