I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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