What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
