I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
