I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
