help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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