I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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