I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
