I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
