and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
