I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize