yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
