Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
