singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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