What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
