i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
