Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
