And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
