Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
