Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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