The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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