What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
