I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
