I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
