Im at strip club and am horny
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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