Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
