Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
