I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
