Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
