My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
