My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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