apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
