winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
