I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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