quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sex in a hospital.. check
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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