I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
