I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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