There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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