I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
