I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You can't just leave with hair like that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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