Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
