Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
