Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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