Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
