A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ttyl tear gas
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
