I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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