I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
