i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
