How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
