Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize