whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
