do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
