real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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