we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
