have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
