I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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