I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
