There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
