There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
